Saturday, October 31, 2015

Now sit right back and you'll hear a tale. . .

. . .a tale of the fateful ship; the S.S. Eses. A fishing boat out of Poste de la Baleine, working the perilous coasts of the Chesterfield inlet in the Nunavut territories. Not really a big boat mind you, it could be a trawler or a barge, but she has a certain. . .how do you say "je ne sais quoi?". . . oh yeah; je ne sais quoi.

She is Captained by the stoic Commodore Mu, who speaks in an accent so heavy, nobody knows what the hell he is saying. Parading the ship with his cricket wicket, he scares the crew with his spontaneous facial hair growth. The helmsman, Francois, just sits back and enjoys the ride, while addressing the crew via the PA system and occasionally filling them with absolutely worthless tidbits of philosophical non sequitur. Shmuel, the head of security, has converted the lifeboat into his cabin, "just in case the shit goes down." 

Athanasios is the supreme fishmonger, one who has an unfortunate predisposition to retching at the very sight of spilt blood. He swore an oath of vengeance against the beast that destroyed his home and is therefore obsessed with hunting down and ending the tyrannical rule of the Diabolically Evil Noxious Arthropod known as the Putanacrab. 

Andre, the chief engineer by shear luck of the draw, is forced to fit his 6'-4" frame in a 4'-6" engine room. Most communications go unnoticed because of radio operator Jehoshaphat's quiet demeanor. He feels that the crew considers him invisible, when in reality, they just can't hear him. Then there is Iasion, the Cook. He can cook a meal out of anything, just ask the harbor crew, when he cooked them an absolutely eye watering skunk stew. He also manages to mellow the crew with his knowledge of herbal remedies. Jayargh Vells acts as the ship's Resident Evil veterinarian, psychiatrist and astrology based root canal specialist. He occasionally slaps the out of control members.

On board this season is Daniel Denzel Stroganoff, DDS. A lapsed Architect and failed Agnostic, who seeks adventure and his true calling as a man of the sea, a seaman if you will. He will find just how hard the hardships of harboring hate can be. The final member of the crew is the valiant Rudolph, a mysterious character, who, without need of regulator or air tank, maintains the ship's bilge tank, anchor and scrubs the hull and propeller clear of any barnacle.

Their adventures are plentiful and full of merriment and gaiety. Occasionally, chimpanzees as well.   

Webisodes coming soon!


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